The first question people ask you is “what do you do?” and for the longest time my answer has been “I’m an account executive in advertising. I work on McDonald’s National advertising. Did you see the Super Bowl?” My bright shiny braggy proud answer. A badge of honor I wear to show how hard I have worked and where I have came from.
I loved telling people that the reason we moved to Chicago was for my job. My feminist ego bursting forth breaking stereotypical mormon norms. Moving somewhere for the woman. Pursuing her career. But here we are now, me following the man. To Dallas of all places. No friends, no job, a temporary apartment.
As I say this understand that we made this decision as a couple, 100% aligned that this is what is right for our future together. Secretly I thought it would be nice. Take a couple of months off, look for something new, have a little break from a church calling etc. etc. But it’s harder than I thought. And it’s only been two days. Call me a whiner if you want. I think the struggle is dealing with ambiguity for what is next. What I want.
When people ask me what I do what do I tell them? I didn’t understand that so much of what I am proud of in my life relates to my job. To me this realization is sad and a little shocking. I can have all of these creative hobbies, but all of a sudden I don’t have a “real” job that puts money on the table and I’m questioning my self worth. Being stripped of my identity is strange but I’m not sure I’m ready to jump back into something again quickly. I want to choose the right thing for me and I haven’t really even started looking for something else yet.
So I guess I’ll just unpack my apartment, make some dinner, and work on figuring out why I have such an issue with not having a job. Maybe I’ll even start working out.